It’s like turning on a light and going down into the basement: You had no idea that it’s so dirty, full of cobwebs, dust, and dirt. But nothing’s new — it’s been that way for years.  You’ve gotten used to the way it is and hadn’t realized so much had built up.

Actually, it’s a sign of progress to be willing to see the truth of it. When you face how messy it’s become, you and your therapist can get in there and straighten it out. If we hadn’t turned on the light and seen what’s what, we wouldn’t be able to move forward in our work of tossing out old rubbish, deciding what to keep and what not, and taking out the trash once and for all.

We’ve all seen horror movies where we shout at the heroine, “You fool! Don’t go down there!” It can be frightening to stand at the top of the stairs looking down into the gloom and darkness because we’re afraid of what’s inside ourselves. It helps to enter these worlds with someone who’s not afraid, someone who’s been to the basement before and even goes there frequently — a skilled psychotherapist to lead the way.

Once we get there, what will we find? Memories, tears not shed, decisions made about how life works that need to be re-made, painful feelings we repressed, other people’s pain, all things that Jung referred to as the Shadow.

To continue with this analogy, when the basement is clean, the whole house benefits. You are no longer afraid of what’s inside or have to avoid going there. Often the result of this inner housecleaning is a freeing up of energy that was previously used to ignore the work that needed to be done. So turning on the light in the basement, while not necessarily pleasant at first sight, is a freeing endeavor.

People often ask how long it takes to get a nice clean basement. No one can say for sure, but most probably longer than you would like. Then again, if you don’t get started, it will never get done.

© 2012 Catherine Auman

Except in real life, it doesn’t work that way. Most people who have a chance to live out this fantasy are surprised that it turns out to be a nightmare. After the first few hours, or days, they find themselves bored out of their skulls.

That’s because human beings are problem-solving machines. We are meant to be continually creative, solving the problems of life. And when we find a solution to a problem, rather than graduating to some fantasy tropical problem-free zone, we graduate to having more interesting, complex problems to solve. As Buckminster Fuller said, “The reward of solving a problem is a bigger problem.”

For example, Rob worked hard and mastered his job, so after two years he was promoted to a management position with a whole new set of interesting challenges, global in scope. Kim finally figured out a day job that was minimally demanding and paid well enough, so now she can use her more of her time and energy to create her art.

Our reward for solving problems is not withdrawal into an aimless existence. People who do so often become depressed, energy-less, ill, or preoccupied with weird things. In my practice, I’ve noticed intelligent women with eating disorders who, as soon as they have a more interesting problem to solve, such as landing an absorbing job or deciding to mentor a child, forget all about their eating disorder. It has been replaced by a more interesting, higher-level problem.

Sometimes what appears to be depression is the existential boredom of a person who is not engaged with interesting problems. There is nothing creative going on.  This is not to discount the multitude of other depressed people who have chemical imbalances in their brains, or are down due to life circumstances or childhood trauma, but this is one question to ask oneself.

Is your issue that you don’t have interesting enough problems to solve? Pick a “problem” that is big enough to not bore you – add your life to the efforts to stop world hunger, or finally get started on that massive Great American Novel. Get engaged in solving a problem so interesting that you can never solve it in this lifetime. You’ll find your passion for life kicks into gear.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

SAD is most often treated the same way depression is: with medication. However, SAD sufferers looking for holistic options are in luck. Since research suggests that SAD is caused by the diminished light during the winter months, effective treatment has been developed using electrical light boxes that mimic the sun’s rays. “Light therapy is a way to treat seasonal affective disorder (SAD) by exposure to artificial light. It is safe and has few side effects,” states the Mayo Clinic (2010). A Canadian study (American Journal of Psychiatry, 2006) found light therapy and fluoxetine, better known as Prozac, to be equally effective.

I decided to use myself as a guinea pig so I ordered a light box online. The process was easy, with prices ranging from $120-150. When the light box arrived, I started my treatment, about 15 minutes a day of exposure. The light is supposed to shine indirectly into your eyes rather than directly, so I put the box, about the size of a coffee table book, on the side of my desk. It beamed the measured dose of light while I drank my morning coffee and perused Facebook. I noticed a positive effect on my mood right away. In fact, it felt so good I gave myself three more doses, an overdose which produced a headache.

Light box therapy should be done in the morning, as it may be too stimulating later in the day. It’s important to keep a consistent schedule during the winter months. If you stop too soon when you think you’re improving, you’ll miss the cumulative effect which helps bring positive results. Some people experience immediate relief as I did; for others, it may take a week of treatments or longer.

Light therapy is often not enough on its own to provide a cure for SAD. The treatment of any type of depression demands a well-rounded approach.  Exercise, psychotherapy, meditation, increasing pleasurable activities, being around other people and not isolating yourself, and even medication: all these are important components of a holistic treatment plan. But if you’ve noticed a correlation between bad weather and bad moods, light box therapy can be a valuable tool for recovery. It’s certainly made a difference for me

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Previously published in Spirituality and Health magazine, Nov/Dec 2011

This quote from The Shawshank Redemption keeps Gary Bowsher climbing mountains, both literally and figuratively, even though he has Parkinson’s Disease.

Shortly after his diagnosis in 2007 at the age of 52, Gary, a former tool company CEO, read a newspaper article about “The Top Ten Fire Lookout Hikes in the Pacific Northwest.” So far, he has checked off eight of them, including the ones on Pilchuk, Granite, Baker, and two on Mount Rainier. Despite being a former athlete, he’s not the fastest walker on the trail and sometimes needs a helping hand, but “my feeling is that you need to keep moving, even if it hurts,” he says. “I’m going to live every year as if it’s my last.” In that spirit, Gary flew down from Seattle to walk seven miles of the LA Marathon with his sister to make sure she completed the race.

Parkinson’s Disease (PD) is a degenerative disorder of the nervous system with no known cause and no cure, as of yet. The prognosis for PD sufferers is not good as the disease inevitably progresses with time and causes a lessened life expectancy. The best hope for people with PD lies in the ongoing research efforts. Michael J. Fox, who has had PD since 1991, has raised both awareness and millions of dollars for the cause. “Hope is very important,” as Gary says.

Gary has never exhibited the shaking or tremors that most of us think of as Parkinson’s; rather, his symptoms are stiffness, rigidity, and difficulties with walking and sleep. The onset was insidious: Gary was enjoying a stroll with his father-in-law, happily oblivious to the fact that anything was wrong until it was pointed out that his right arm wasn’t swinging when he walked. Gary then started noticing that he couldn’t shave or brush his teeth with that hand either, and over time other symptoms appeared.

Although there is no cure for PD, very good medications are available that provide symptom relief, and doctors often prescribe supplements such as antioxidants. Gary eats as many fruits and vegetables as he can, although he is especially famous for ordering apple pie as his first course in a restaurant. Regular exercise is recommended, hence Gary’s walking regime.

Just as Michael J. Fox’s dignity and activism in the face of his disease have inspired so many, so has Gary’s “Just Do It!” attitude. Gary’s continued optimism, zest for life, and love for his family are daily miracles. That he is an inspiration to everyone around him I can personally attest to, because Gary Bowsher is my brother.

© 2012  Catherine Auman

We might think Jessica’s anxiety is all in her head, but a disturbing trend is leading to a different conclusion. A new study published in the journal Sexuality and Culture (September 2011) “has found that the portrayal of women in the media over the last several decades has become increasingly sexualized, even ‘pornified,’” according to Erin Hatton, PhD, assistant professor at the University of Buffalo. “In the 2000’s, there were 10 times more hypersexualized images of women than men…this is problematic because it indicates a decisive narrowing of media representations of women.”

A report by the American Psychological Association’s Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls (2007) found compelling evidence that the rise in sexualized images of girls and women in the media is harmful to their self-image and healthy maturation. This can mean undermining a woman’s confidence in her body promoting shame, anxiety, eating disorders and/or depression. Sexualized images of women have been found to increase violence against them, and to decreased sexual satisfaction among both sexes.

“The consequences of the sexualization of girls in media today are very real and are likely to be a negative influence on girls’ healthy development,” said Eileen Zurbriggen, PhD, chair of the Task Force and associate professor at UCSC. “As a society, we need to replace all of these sexualized images with ones showing girls in positive settings – ones that show the uniqueness and competence of girls….The goal should be to deliver messages to all adolescents, boys and girls, that lead to healthy sexual development.”

As parents and other trusted adults, we play a major role in contributing to either the sexualization of the young women in our lives or to giving them a healthier sense of what it means to be a human being. We can take an educative role by encouraging young people to question the images that are being promoted and by sharing information on the negative effects.

Sexualization means that a person’s value comes only from his/her sexual appeal to the exclusion of other characteristics. We can help young women like Jessica and all our daughters, nieces, friends, and yes, our young men, to understand that kindness, creativity, intellectual competence, physical abilities, compassion, service, spirituality and love matter more than being sexy.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Sounds silly put that way, but you’d be surprised. People who had difficult childhoods sometimes use that as a justification as to why their lives are not working today. Oprah Winfrey, certainly a successful person, has shared that she overcame being sexually molested as a child; obviously she didn’t consider that a good excuse. There are many people who had traumatic childhoods whose lives are flourishing, so we really can’t blame the parents.

Clients in therapy may be reticent to do historical work because they love their parents, feel loyalty to them, and don’t want to blame them. The clients are afraid we’re going to find out the parents were villains, which is rarely the case. Usually, although not always, our parents were well-meaning people like ourselves doing the best they could with what was handed down from their own parents.

It’s not necessary to stop loving your parents to see what they taught you that wasn’t helpful, but it is necessary to identify the messages from the parents that were not accurate. I sometimes call these false messages “brainwashing” to underscore for clients just how strong this conditioning can be.

If, for example, you were taught that sex is sinful, you might want to change that brainwashing. If you were taught you should never speak up, or that your ideas are nonsense, or that you don’t have your own special form of attractiveness — these beliefs taught by well-meaning parents are not helpful in the world of adults and would benefit from examination, then elimination.

In psychotherapy, we’re not about blaming your parents. We are about you examining the things your parents instilled in you that are not helpful and throwing them out with the trash. But, we want to make sure you do keep the many useful things your parents passed on. We don’t want to interfere with you having the best relationship possible with them. The more love in the world, the better.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Nothing’s wrong with accomplishing a lot, as Tiffany does. Western culture is focused on achievement which requires a lot of “doing.” People are asking more of their lives than ever before – we want to be successful financially, and have perfect health and great relationships. These are laudable aspirations, but we’re out of balance, at the expense of non-doing or just “being.” We’ve lost the great art of doing nothing at all.

I knew nothing about this until I spent a year at an ashram in India. It took awhile to wind down from my manic Western pace, but after I did, I fit in quite well. There was plenty of time to sit by the river, watch the clouds and cows grazing, meditate, enjoy leisurely meals, and spend lazy afternoons chatting with friends. Life was so relaxed; we thought we were getting a lot accomplished if we mailed a letter that day.

Of course, the realities of needing to earn a living intruded, and it was time to go back to work. Too much leisure is deadening to the spirit which wants to be of service to its fellow beings. But I learned the great value of doing nothing at all, sometimes referred to as meditation. Some meditations suggest watching the breath or the thoughts: some concentrate on a mantra or sound. Some listen, which was especially delightful in the tropics, with the sounds of birds and roosters reminding us to wake up. All meditation methods involve doing nothing productive. They teach us to just “be.”

One way to incorporate doing nothing into a busy life is to take up a meditation practice. A few minutes of quiet inwardness can balance many hours of outward doing-ness. However, I am reticent to prescribe meditation to my patients, as it often becomes one more item on the dreaded to-do list. It’s often easier to do nothing whenever you can find a moment, such as in the car when you get home before going into the house.

The point isn’t to live a life of non-doing. Instead, we can incorporate doing nothing into our lives in precious bits of time. We have to give up chastising ourselves for taking that time. We need to question our high standards for productivity. If we don’t, we’re in danger of losing the connection to that which makes life most meaningful.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

When I took sex education in high school, we were shown the most amazing video of an egg being impregnated by a sperm. There She sat, unmoving, glowing, queenly, radiating, waiting patiently in all her splendor. The sperm were wriggling and squirming and jockeying for position, all of them anxious to enter Her. One victorious little tadpole finally succeeded. The egg didn’t move a muscle, and, except for a little squeal of ecstasy when he entered, appeared unmoved by the whole experience.

The old fashioned way of pursuit was reportedly like this: men pursued women who were non-active. Men did all the work. Then during the radical changes of the 70’s, Germaine Greer exhorted women to take the lead and pursue whichever men we wanted – it seemed like a good idea at the time. Men and women should certainly do whatever is right for their personal temperament. Nevertheless, neither modern men nor women have any connection to their yin self.

I took some time and meditated on the Egg, imagining myself as Her: sitting silently, radiating, waiting.  After practicing a few times, I took it on the road. Since I’m an average looking woman, I’d never been approached all that much in bars, so as usual, I sat and watched all the hotties move on each other. I closed my eyes there on my barstool and did my Egg Meditation, envisioning myself as the Queen Egg, glowing, unmoving, and calm. When I opened my eyes, much to my surprise, several attractive men had wriggled up, jockeying for position. I never got approached so much in all my life as I did that night.

Yang is looking for yin, sorely missing in today’s world. I’m not advocating that women give up the gains we’ve made, not by a long shot. But both men and women are missing the element of yin. That’s why some men think they want younger or submissive women. Most modern men don’t really want submissive; they want a worthy partner. But yang is looking for yin and not more yang. There has to be a balance.

So just for a few minutes, imagine…you’re the queen Egg, sitting unmoving… getting fully in touch with your feminine side.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

This type of forgiveness is done from the level of the mind, by making a decision to think about the situation differently, which is as helpful as putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm. The pain happened emotionally, physically, and/or sexually, and must be dealt with on these levels. For the mind to pronounce that “all is forgiven” is New Age nonsense, as if all it takes to come to forgiveness is to pronounce it so.

To truly get to a state of forgiveness, you must first fully experience the feelings associated with the betrayal or abuse. This doesn’t mean that you need to act the feelings out, become overly dramatic, or hang onto them for years. But it does mean that the energetic frequency of the emotion needs to be allowed to pass through the physical body on its way out. When forgiveness is merely an idea or a mental construct pasted over the inner rage, horror, betrayal, hurt, or anger, the emotions will continue to exert pressure to be released. When through the process of therapy we drain those feelings, leaving the person free and cleansed, the forgiveness process can begin.

It’s understandable that a person would want to bypass this step, because dealing with these historical emotions can be intense. The work is hard, but it is worth doing. To be free of blame and resentment is worth the pain it takes to clear it out of your system. It can be done. Get some help so that it’s not just a mental exercise.

If you try to forgive prematurely, or before you have done your work, you run the risk of being stuck with painful feelings lying hidden under everything you do. When you explore and confront past emotional wounds, eventually you will come to accept the humanity of whoever harmed you, along with the realization that we all hurt each other. Then true forgiveness is possible and when it comes from that genuine place, it will flow out truly like the love that it is.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Many people weren’t aware that a quake of far greater magnitude shook Chile, the affluent nation running down the west coast of South America. The Chile quake was 501 times stronger than Haiti’s according to the Huffington Post, and yet we didn’t hear much about it because there was very little damage. Chile has had a long history of handling emergencies so homes and offices were designed to withstand disasters. The country was in all respects better prepared. By contrast, in Haiti there were no building codes, and Haitians had not been schooled in how to react. Although the earthquake was so much stronger, the damage was minimal in Chile.

Of course, there is a lesson here that it would behoove all of us to be physically prepared for emergencies. There are easily download-able lists on the Internet of items we should have in our cars and homes for emergencies: bottled water, snacks, blankets, candles, etc., and it’s a smart thing to do. It’s prudent to be prepared as Chile was.

But what I’ve been thinking about is the lesson these earthquakes have to teach us about our emotional lives.  People whose lives are stable are like Chile; that is, they are more easily able to deal with an emotional “earthquake,” than people whose lives are not.

For example, I often suggest to my single patients that they focus on having enough platonic friends first before they focus on finding a partner. They will be more emotionally prepared for the “earthquakes” of dating if they have enough emotional support in their lives and aren’t waiting for their partners to provide that stability.

If you develop emotionally supportive networks around you now, they will be there for you when life brings you an “earthquake,” as it inevitably will.  Life brings emotional suffering to everyone at some time in their lives. Someone you love will die; someone might leave you; you may have financial difficulties. These events are universally devastating, but if your life is stable, you can survive the earthquake as a prepared country such as Chile did, rather than be rocked to your core and barely able to recover like an impoverished Haiti.

© 2011 Catherine Auman