When I took sex education in high school, we were shown the most amazing video of an egg being impregnated by a sperm. There She sat, unmoving, glowing, queenly, radiating, waiting patiently in all her splendor. The sperm were wriggling and squirming and jockeying for position, all of them anxious to enter Her. One victorious little tadpole finally succeeded. The egg didn’t move a muscle, and, except for a little squeal of ecstasy when he entered, appeared unmoved by the whole experience.

The old fashioned way of pursuit was reportedly like this: men pursued women who were non-active. Men did all the work. Then during the radical changes of the 70’s, Germaine Greer exhorted women to take the lead and pursue whichever men we wanted – it seemed like a good idea at the time. Men and women should certainly do whatever is right for their personal temperament. Nevertheless, neither modern men nor women have any connection to their yin self.

I took some time and meditated on the Egg, imagining myself as Her: sitting silently, radiating, waiting.  After practicing a few times, I took it on the road. Since I’m an average looking woman, I’d never been approached all that much in bars, so as usual, I sat and watched all the hotties move on each other. I closed my eyes there on my barstool and did my Egg Meditation, envisioning myself as the Queen Egg, glowing, unmoving, and calm. When I opened my eyes, much to my surprise, several attractive men had wriggled up, jockeying for position. I never got approached so much in all my life as I did that night.

Yang is looking for yin, sorely missing in today’s world. I’m not advocating that women give up the gains we’ve made, not by a long shot. But both men and women are missing the element of yin. That’s why some men think they want younger or submissive women. Most modern men don’t really want submissive; they want a worthy partner. But yang is looking for yin and not more yang. There has to be a balance.

So just for a few minutes, imagine…you’re the queen Egg, sitting unmoving… getting fully in touch with your feminine side.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Unfortunately, my happiness went away with a THUD when I got back to the West, bringing a depression that was as low as my previous state was high. My chronic depression was perhaps more virulent than ever, now that I was aware of what I had lost. My therapist at the time had never experienced what I had, but he was kind and solid as an oak. “I think your depression is the absence of That,” he said.

I ran around looking for answers, and found some when I was sitting in a small group of seekers surrounding Eli Jaxon-Bear. “I thought it would never go away,” I cried when it was my turn to talk.  Everyone in the group started chuckling softly. “You’re chasing the high,” Eli said. “Look at your pattern of addictions.” I didn’t think I still had them, but there they were – addictions to certain ways of thinking, to expectations, to ideas about how things should be — subtler than I had previously been able to detect.

These high states are not supposed to last. They are little tastes of the Ultimate – the carrot at the end of the stick. They are little morsels to keep us on track, to keep us searching for the real stuff.

People who have peak experiences, either through drugs, through meditation, through sex, or through Grace, often imagine that they have now arrived. It is beyond-belief painful when the realization sets in that the peak won’t be permanent. However, it was predictable, because every high is followed by the low, every mountain has its valley; that is, until you reach Everest, or so I’ve been told.

After the taste, the work resumes: the work on oneself to become more aware, more kind, more surrendered. More open to life, to love, to the divine. Like anything else worth having in life, it takes a lot of work to get there. The little tastes of happiness that don’t last can be reminders to not lose heart and to keep going until you’re home.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

The main source of sex education for many young people these days is online porn, and much misinformation is being disseminated. The major inaccuracy is that yang sex is all there is: sex is only about looking a certain way, vigorous activity, technique, and performance. There is no place for sensual exploration, non-goal oriented play, or relaxation in the presence of the beloved. Very few even get the opportunity to learn that yin sex exists.

When a man and a woman can be totally themselves in each other’s presence, a whole other dimension opens up. When I was studying tantra in India, we spent much of our time doing exercises to get over our fears of the opposite sex and learning to be emotionally real with each other. It wasn’t about performance. It was about learning to take it slow, slower, and slowest.

Osho, the great tantra master, talks about an unknown-to-the-West phenomena, “valley orgasms.” These are the opposite of the yang orgasms that end with a bang or, as Osho says, like a sneeze. A “valley orgasm” occurs from surrendering so deeply with the partner that an inner explosion happens.

“There are two types of climaxes, two types of orgasm. One type of orgasm is known. You reach to a peak of excitement, then you cannot go further: the end has come…In the second, excitement is just a beginning. And once the man has entered, both lover and beloved can relax. No movement is needed. They can relax in a loving embrace.

“When the man feels or the woman feels that the erection is going to be lost, only then is a little movement and excitement required. But then again relax. You can prolong this deep embrace for hours with no ejaculation … You may not be aware of it, but this is a fact of biology, of bio-energy, that man and woman are opposite forces. Negative-positive, yin-yang, they are challenging to each other. And when they both meet in a deep relaxation, they revitalize each other.”  (Osho, 1998, The Book of Secrets, NY: St Martin’s Griffin)

Once you become honest in your sexuality, both the yin and the yang of it, you will be able to enjoy the performance aspect of sex without being trapped in it. Sometimes you will act the porn star and use all the fabulous techniques you’ve learned (that everyone else has learned too), and other times you will experiment with your soft, flowing yin nature. You will be free to be alternately passive or aggressive, hot or not, and able to admit when increased intimacy scares you. You will be sexually real and not have to fake orgasms like a porn star.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

You’ve seen the yin/yang symbol: the white and black teardrops coexisting inside a circle, each half complimenting the other, each essential for the other’s existence. In the East, the timeless symbol demonstrates that all in the manifest world exists as a pair of opposites: fast/slow, hot/cold, passive/aggressive, male/female. These opposites exist only in relation to each other, creating a world of perfect balance.

In terms of sex, yang is outer directed (like a penis): aggressive, hot, noisy, fast, focused on technique, and headed toward the goal of orgasm. Sex is often voyeuristic, a spectator sport, with a preference for the visual.  In prior times, yang was the sole province of men, the masculine.

Yin sexuality is the opposite: inner directed (like a vagina): passive, cool, slow, quiet, meandering, with no other goal than shared sensuality. Yin is full of secrets, soft, yielding, private, hidden, shy and reticent. Women, the feminine, were the sole holders of yin.

Women in the sexist past had no choice but to embody yin, or men yang, with dire consequences for those who strayed from their stereotypes. Most people of today enjoy our potential for greater flexibility and the openness toward people of all persuasions. Ideally, both men and women would embrace their inner yin as well as their outer yang, but that is not what is happening.

Yin is no longer an option anywhere in the West, including the bedroom. Women are boldly exhibiting their yang qualities — nobody wants to be seen as weak. We are prejudiced against the slow, the soft, the passive, the diffuse, the meandering, the unfocused, the yielding. Self-help books and seminar leaders encourage eradicating any yin qualities in oneself in order to be always assertive, bold, virile. Porn promotes a preference for yang sex. We devalue the yin, both in ourselves and others, which is misogyny in a subtle, insidious form.

It is a timeless truth that both yin and yang are essential, and that everything and everyone carry both qualities. It doesn’t help to repress or pretend you don’t have yin. If you do, you will never know yourself. The next time you notice you are feeling shy, or reticent, or passive, or slow, that you don’t feel like sharing, or that you want sex that explores aimlessly and doesn’t go anywhere, instead of finding it wrong, you begin a fascinating exploration of what this hidden part of yourself is all about.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

The benefits of meditation have been well documented: reduced stress, better health, concentration, spontaneity and creativity. There are purported psychological and spiritual benefits, such as helping to keep things in perspective, developing intuition, greater tolerance of others and self, and even enlightenment. Nearly everybody who learns about it agrees that meditation is a good thing.

Then why do so few practice it?  Certainly the modern lifestyle of constant activity does not value sitting silently doing nothing. And it is difficult for us to drop into silence with so much on our minds.

Osho, the great spiritual teacher, invented active meditations because he said people today are different than they were when meditation was invented. Never before were people so identified with their minds as we are today. For modern people, it is necessary to first energize the body and then throw off accumulated thoughts and emotions before one can benefit from silence. Once this is done, silence comes on its own without struggle.

The most well-known Osho meditations are Dynamic and Kundalini. Dynamic begins with a chaotic breath technique, followed by catharsis – throwing off repressed feelings and emotions. If you practice with others you may see someone crying or calling out to their mother, and another person celebrating the release of repressed joy. (This person might even be you.) Following this is a Sufi technique, silence, and finally a brief dance of celebration and joy, welcoming the day.  Silence has come on its own, not by being forced or endured.

Kundalini Meditation begins with shaking the pelvis which most Westerners hold tensely thus stopping its natural energy flow. Dancing and celebration follow, then the delicious utter relaxation and silence. Margot Anand, the famous tantra teacher, once said that if a woman has problems achieving orgasm, if she does Kundalini Meditation for a month, she will become able to surrender.

Osho invented many other popular meditations, such as Nadabrahma, No Mind, Chakra Sounds, Gourishankar, and my favorite, Natararaj. All that is important is to choose one and try it out for yourself. Bliss awaits.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

Back when I was studying tantra in India, we did many of our exercises blindfolded. When we couldn’t see, we learned to read the information our bodies were giving us about a person, such as whether or not they could be trusted, whether or not their energy was compatible with ours. Experimenting  in such an environment of trust and vulnerability, we all fell in love with each other regardless of who our eyes might have prejudged as unworthy.

It seems to me that the way the advertising industry spends billions to convince us that only people who look a certain way are desirable may be related to alarming new statistics about a 60% increase in reports of chronic and crippling loneliness. We are endlessly encouraged to focus on abs and sexiness, not on whether a person would make a good friend or partner. Some of the images selling perfume are down right frightening – if you look closely enough, several of the male models, although conventionally good looking, have the menacing stare of a rapist.

The reports back from Starbucks are that this practice is revolutionary. For many of the clients who come to me lonely and wishing they were partnered, their eyes have become their false friends, encouraging them to search in a way that can’t bring them happiness. Osho, the great tantra master, once said, “If you are alone and lonely, it is only because you have too many criteria on your love.”

Even if you’re not concerned with dating or finding a partner, consider how relying primarily on your eyes for information might be keeping you from more fully exploring smell, touch, sound, and taste. Closing your eyes, getting out of the realm of the visual, is one of the most transformative practices you could take up. In the same way that silence can be the most beautiful sound of all, not seeing in the way you’ve been trained to see could offer you unexpected vision.

© 2011 Catherine Auman

It’s like you never cleaned your house or your car and all that gunk kept building up. When you go on a cleanse and release old toxic matter that has been in you for decades, you will also release the emotions that have been trapped. The toxic matter often contains the energy of what was going on that we held onto, sometimes sadness, or anger, or other emotional stuckness that needs release. All this trapped stuff inside is toxic build-up; it affects your emotions and makes your attitude negative.  Concurrent psychotherapy can be very helpful with the release process.

Spring (“spring cleaning”) or summer when the weather is hot are the best times to go on a cleanse. Most involve eating lighter on the food chain, or eating only alkaline foods, or fasting, plus eliminative herbs. Most involve cleansing processes like colonics and/or enemas. You have to get over your distaste for this; it will be good for your acceptance of your and other people’s bodies. The main teaching on a Tantric level is getting over your revulsion to the body’s natural processes.

Personally, I love the Arise & Shine program and have done it at least a dozen times. It involves eating only fruits, vegetables, and alkaline grains plus herbs for a month, and then if you’re ready, fasting on juice and water for an intensive week. You learn a lot about your body when you see how much stuff comes out of you when you’re not eating, I mean, where is that stuff coming from? Gross, but certainly it is better out of the body than in.

When you are cleaned out, you will experience new levels of clarity, well being, and health. For awhile, you will have lost your cravings for addictive foods, but only until you start eating them again. You will bring to yourself and all you meet a new clean shining awareness without all that toxicity standing between you.

© 2010 Catherine Auman

“I love it! Dynamic Meditation is the best way to let go of old stuff, renew myself, enter into stillness and get fit, all at the same time.” – Lokita Carter

“Dynamic is like having Nuclear Energy for breakfast!” – Abhi-Irena

Osho created the active meditations because he said the Western mind is too active to go directly into silence. This meditation is not only fun and ecstatic, it clears plenty out plenty of psychological rubbish.

I usually park in the parking structure on 2nd Street between SM and Broadway, opposite what used to be Exhale, because its free for 2 hrs and I don’t have to bother about coins or tickets etc. and it’s not that long a walk to the beach because there is a foot overbridge right between Santa Monica and Broadway on Ocean Park that takes you straight to the beach and to the spot where we are meeting.

Bring something to share for a potluck breakfast afterwards.

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Time: Sunday mornings, 7:00am

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He looked up to see her examining his food.  “Got to keep my strength up,” he said, squeezing a lime over the cukes.

Geno was one of the most handsome men she had ever laid eyes on, even here at the ashram, where she was becoming rather immune to the whole issue.  He stood at well over six feet with a body that spoke to years in the gym, and his hazel eyes and tanned skin glowed with vitality and health.

Early in the group, he had informed everyone that he had a partner back in Italy and was therefore off limits, although he was available to do exercises with.  Many women had shared a ping of disappointment.  This morning, Laurel and Geno had chosen to do the sensual massage assignment together.  When it was her turn to be the giver, she had watched in amazement as he didn’t even flinch when she neared the vicinity where most men take notice.  His touch on her was rough and insensitive, not at all in tune with her response or lack of it, sleepy and unaware.  He got somewhat excused for this by his otherworldly good looks, but not completely.

She hadn’t told him how unsatisfying it had been.  In true good girl fashion she had told him it had been “nice.”  Someone taught her once that “nice” stands for “Nothing In me Cares Enough about you (to tell you the truth),” and she supposed that was true.  It was not an unpleasant diversion, however, to sit at his table and gaze at that face.  And that body.

“What’s your girlfriend in Italy like?” she asked.

“She is a great and famous teacher of tantra,” he said. “Right now she is giving a seminar in Tuscany.”

“Oh,” she said, thinking back to his touch devoid of sensuality. “You must be learning a lot about tantra from her?”

“Oh yes,” he said.  “She’s an amazing woman.”

“Then why are you here, studying tantra several thousand miles away from her?”

“She says I need to learn more about being on my own, and she is right.  I want to lose my tendency of codependency.”

That buzz word, I hate it, Laurel thought.  “What exactly does that mean anyway?  It seems to me it’s a way to put down people who value being in a relationship over being alone.”

“Here, I hope to deepen my aloneness,” he said, “and then take it back to be with her.  In a more authentic way.”  He moved the tray with its mound of peelings and rinds to the other side of the table, and poised his spoon over the melon.

“A relationship is like climbing a great mountain,” he continued.  “It is a journey that is difficult and long and takes much preparation, much training.  It is the only thing in life that is of value.”  He dipped his spoon into the watery red fruit and took a bite.  “I don’t understand these men who come here just to sleep with any woman.  It shocks me; I don’t understand it.  It has no……,”  he scratched his head.  “Ah, my English is so bad.  What is the word?”  His eyes turned up into the back of his skull, searching his memory banks for an Italiano-Inglese dictionary.

“Rispettare….no?…No!”  Laurel shook her head.  She certainly had no idea.

“Decoro….stima….Ah, ah, I must know.”  He was frantically looking around the crowded lunch area, for what she couldn’t fathom.  “Ah!”  and he sped off over in the direction of the fountain.

Suddenly Laurel found herself sitting alone, not really understanding what had happened.  She shrugged it off to just another strange ashram occurrence.  First she was having lunch with a gorgeous Italian raw foodist, and abruptly she wasn’t.  She reached over and took a dripping bite of his watermelon, then replaced the spoon.

Geno finally reappeared holding a tattered book in his left hand.  He leafed through the pages, shaking his head and muttering.
“Ah hah!”  he trumpeted.  “Nobility!  That’s the word.  Nobility.  It has no nobility.  That’s it.  To sleep with so many women has no nobility.”  He got up and left the table to return the book.

© 2009 Catherine Auman

I picked Frankie the cat up from the pound last week and carried her to her new home. She immediately ran for cover under the bed and wouldn’t come out for 24 hours. When she began tentatively venturing out she would run back whenever she got spooked, often just because someone was walking by, leading to the conclusion she may have been previously abused. A couple of times now she has let me stroke her and scratch her head and then I get my reward: the magic motor of her purring starts and doesn’t stop, that is, until she runs back under the bed again. Thank god she came knowing how to use the cat box.

I just found out on the Internet that back in the Middle Ages during the holocaust of women and gays they designated ‘witches,’ they also perpetrated a huge massacre of cats. The Church was afraid of these ‘familiars’ of the so-called witches because it was believed that cats had psychic powers and could help perform spells. There was even a dog that was tried and hanged as a witch in the Salem witch trials. When you look deeply into Frankie’s mysterious blue eyes, you can almost believe they were right – she knows something we don’t.

Pets seem to have been put into our lives for one purpose and one purpose only: to love and be loved. There’s plenty of well-documented research that being around animals reduces people’s stress levels, lowers blood pressure and even helps us live longer. Animal assisted therapy has been used with at-risk teenagers, folks in nursing homes, AIDS patients, and heart attack victims. I got a call recently from a prospective patient who wanted to know if I had a “therapy dog,” which was the first time I’d heard the term (and no, I don’t, although I’m thinking about training Frankie). On a brochure for an expensive recovery center I got in the mail they list “equine therapy” as a treatment modality which really means, it makes people feel better to ride a horse.

I guess the gist of this is that lonely people everywhere could benefit from owning a pet. There’s something about that unconditional love that’s harder to get from flawed human beings. Also, here in LA, it’s a way that people shop for lovers – going to the dog park to meet other dog owners. It’s easy to talk to someone with a dog, right? No ulterior motive other than just being friendly. Guess we’ll need to get them to set up cat and gerbil parks for everyone else.

© 2008 Catherine Auman