The young woman sitting in front of me in my psychotherapy office is articulate, intelligent, well groomed and attractive. Jessica has also thrown up her food three times a day, every day, since puberty. “I have to be prettier,” she says. “I just can’t go on looking like this.” We might think Jessica’s anxiety is [...]
“Why didn’t I say something? I was so stupid! Why didn’t I stop the abuse?” Allison is crying as she recounts a painful memory that affects the way she relates to men in the present. Often, my patients who are involved in processing painful wounds from childhood have trouble forgiving themselves. They feel they should [...]
Once when I was a little girl, my father said to me, “Stop crying. You’re too smart to have feelings.” He was my perfect dad (until adolescence anyway) so it seemed he must be right. He never stopped trying to get everyone in the house, my mother, my brother, my sisters and me, to stop [...]
People often ask what happens in psychotherapy. Sometimes, although more rarely than you might imagine, therapists give good old fashioned advice, and famously, we listen intently. Often we teach skills that people missed in childhood such as how to communicate or manage angry feelings. Therapy involves getting better in touch with your emotions, or helping [...]
After an important insight into why you act the way you do, the long process of changing your behavior begins, one action at a time. Most people find it difficult to change without outside support, and if that is you, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or wrong in some way, merely a member of the [...]
